Wedding jitters also called bridal nerves, premarital doubts, or cold feet is very common not only to wives-to-be but also to husbands-to-be. While some reasons behind it are normal, some also send signals of possible trouble that is lurking in the distance. Here are the top five reasons why you are feeling those wedding jitters and how to get over it.
#1. You are dreaming of a perfect wedding
Wedding, for most of us, is a once-in-a-lifetime event. It is the time that you have dreamt of since childhood and the time that you have waited since you got into a relationship. It is also the time that your family and friends will be reunited. Just like in fairy tales, your wedding is the fulfillment of a happy ever after to your love story - everything has to be perfect and magical.
Going back into reality, however, you realized there is so much to do and prepare for something that will only happen in a few hours of a day. You have to decide a date, a place, a dress, a set of meals, flower arrangement, and all other things that will make everything look lovely and feel magical. You have to call on your family and friends to let them know about this big day and all of a sudden, you are receiving not just well wishes but suggestions, violent reactions, and declinations as well.
Then, you took a close look at yourself in the mirror and realized you need to be beautiful and in your best shape for the big day. So you start a strict diet and indulge in daily exercise. You make frequent visit to a dermatologist and a dentist. You soon find out that you are running out of budget and there are more to spend with. You begin to worry about where to get more money.
When you finally figured everything out, you will realize you cannot control the weather and you spend all time hoping for a good weather on your big day. If all those things don’t cause you wedding jitters, I don’t know what else. At this point, having a wedding jitter is completely fine and normal.
#2. You have uncertainties with life-long commitment
We know the fact that every person is unique. While others are getting excited to spend their whole lives with their partners, some just can’t convince themselves to be chained in marriage to a single person for the rest of their life. There are varied reasons behind this fear, but the idea is almost similar.
For one, you might not be ready yet to settle down. There are really people who can’t get over with their freedom no matter how much they love their partners. In this case, your wedding jitters is not an issue of emotional doubt but an issue of letting go of your wanderlust and learning to live for your future family.
Another cause of wedding jitters is the fear of becoming a wife/husband or a mother/father. Some can’t be confident enough of their capabilities to play those serious and challenging roles. You might want to spend your whole life with your partner but the jitters came from the fear of disappointing your spouse-to-be when he or she will find out that you don’t know how to do it or not good enough for the role.
One more possible reason, but might not be very common, is not believing in the whole idea of marriage. You probably just got involved with the whole wedding planning thing because your parents told you so. But deep inside, you believe you can continue to love your partner even without those ceremonies and traditions. All of these wedding jitters are fine and only needs a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse-to-be for a fix.
#3. One or both of your parents is against your marriage
All parents want only the best for their children. But sometimes, what they think is best for you is not what you think is best for yourself. When it comes to relationships, they always make sure you are in good hands and your partner can provide all your needs. But what they don’t understand is that you are willing to sacrifice in the name of love. So you pursue your wedding plans despite their disapproval.
A jitter caused by conflicting parents, if not settled before the wedding, can be really serious and can affect your whole married life. If one or both your parents, or your partner’s parents, are against the marriage, you might need to talk it out with them over and over again until you finally get their approval. This kind of jitter should not be taken for granted if you are hoping for a harmonious and prosperous family in the future.
Parents will always be parents, and whether you like it or not, you will be needing them one day once your family gets bigger. Also, you don’t want to spend the rest of your life avoiding them, or worse, see them depart this world with disappointments on you. Love your partner, but above all, love your parents.
#4. You have kept secrets from your spouse-to-be
You love your partner so much and you want to build your own family with him or her. However, you have secrets in the past that you can’t confess because you are afraid of losing the love of your life forever. So you carefully keep it for yourself until you both decided to get married. But while you are both planning and preparing for that big day, you can’t be at ease. The shadow of your secrets keeps haunting you day and night. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and you are beginning to feel irritable. People say it’s a normal pre-wedding jitter, but what they don’t know is that it’s more than just nerves and cold feet - you are hiding something.
It is a golden rule for couples to be honest with each other all the time. If you are afraid you might lose your partner if he or she will know something bad about you, then you are not being true to yourself and your relationship. Someone who truly loves you will accept you no matter who you are and how dark your past was. You should not put yourself into a lifetime commitment if you have not completely known each other. Always remember that no secrets can be kept forever. It’s better to call off an engagement than end a marriage.
#5. You have feelings that you are marrying the wrong person
What urged you to decide to marry that person? If it’s something other than loving the person despite his flaws, then you really have to think it over. Marriage should only be for two people who have mutual feelings, trust and respect for each other, who share the same principles and goals, and who are both capable of building their own family.
“Nobody is perfect,” a cliche that will always remain true.
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for,” says Bob Marley.
It is normal for you to re-evaluate your choices and think about your future before giving-in to a lifelong commitment. Your marriage will be the reason for your future success or failure, joy or grief. So it is totally fine to be very vigilant about it. Your worries is a common pre-wedding jitter that most engaged couples have.
However, if your partner shows inconsistency, fight a great deal, constantly hurt you either physically or emotionally, has been unfaithful or deceitful, has addiction in any form, or has been abusive in whatever way, then you might need to consider cutting it off altogether and running away. In this case, you are not just having a normal jitter, your gut instinct is sending a warning that you are heading to a serious trouble.
According to a study, women who have doubts before the wedding are most likely to get a divorce.
Marriage is a lifelong decision that should be properly and deeply thought of before committing. It is not something you take today and return tomorrow when you don’t find it pleasurable anymore. Although our current society is diminishing the legal value of marriage by allowing divorce, its meaning and emotional value never changed. It remained an unbreakable promise you make before the highest power in the universe.
Have you felt pre-wedding jitters? How did you deal with it? Share it with us in the comment section below.